i feel like going somewhere alone and shout out loud. perhaps now i can quite understand why people turn to liquor when in extreme moods.what i faced is a heartbreak of a failed exam only.

i still couldn't get over the shock lousy results i've got. as usual, my english paper hit me the hardest. there's no valid that reason i failed...none at all. the usual me would probably shrug off any bad things that happens to me pretty quickly. this time i couldn't. i just couldn't. even a half-written essay got better marks than mine. this better not happen to my english oral. i'm pretty sure of a secured 30/40.

i've learnt that studying hard isn't really the factor that will guarantee you a pass, but studying smart would surely give you good grades. i guessed i studied for the exams at a wrong note, wrong attitude, wrong style, wrong times, wrong places. library trips are good, provided i do not fall asleep halfway. that defeats every purpose. being happy while studying is not effective too. being serious is. i guess i was too easy on the subjects and thought they were pretty easy. i really overlooked it as what i've in front of me are only textbooks! i've nothing else to study. blame my short-sightedness.

i'm guilty of sleeping in classes. esp for physics and chem. physics was very well done in the first few test. i gradually went complacent and slept as others were doing so too. never knew i didn't change till exams. i paid the price for it.

chinese. mdm ji didn't come for a term and i slacked every moments of it. while other classes were learning new things and were advanced furthur and furthur away from my standard, i was still blitely unaware of the danger i was facing. even the higher chinese notes with me can't save me. was supposed to get 16.5/20 for ying yong wen. the structure which i got wrong and the chinese characters written wrongly punished me a 5 mark penalty. 11.5/20. robbed.

i guess i did well in SS given the usual standard i was in. even a just-fail is a good score.
Egeog was a lack of practice. i didn't do enough worksheets.

its time to really humble myself and study. and press the emergency button most importantly. hg is no longer good at studies at this point of time. dun wanna drop any subjects next year. wanna go jc and nus, melbourne.....many dreams to fulfill. dun wanna throw everything away because of this. i gna start studying soon. but in the meanwhile i want to work. friends have told me to go to good hotels and be waiter. i heard playing jazz drums can give a good pay a night. i need wisdom.